brodyblue's Diaryland Diary

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Helpless...

Today....today.
Well what can I say about today?? Hmm. Well it was probably one of the worst days of my life. I found out that my friend relapsed.. Her cancer is back. It was all so fucking fast. Tomorrow is her last day at school. Her senior year and she gets to spend it doing chemo. I just want to break shit...as stupid as it sounds. I am so afraid for her. God damn it.. why her?? She is so smart... so sweet. I have been crying my eyes out like a fucking baby. I talked to her today, and she told me that she was going to be ok. She told me the next time that I see her "I am going to be ugly, my hair will be all gone.just like last time." She could never be ugly. She is beautiful and hair, or clothes could never change that. FUCK! I am so afraid for her. My mother and stepfather told me to pray.. Oh dear mother how can I pray when I can't feel..I don't feel what you want me to. I don't believe in it. I want to do something for my friend. But I am helpless. We were supposed to go to washington d.c. together. We were supposed to graduate together. I just don't understand. I fucking don't understand. What kind of god would do this?? Who would make a person like shannon go thru this hell... She shouldn't have to...

12:19 a.m. - 2004-11-17

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