brodyblue's Diaryland Diary

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im not okay...and im not your joke...

Words can't possibly describe my dissapointment. I sit here crying thinking of him*. I guess everything I thought happened was just an illusion. The illusion of a 17 year old ugly idiot. I have never felt more ugly than I do now. And that is the honest to god truth. I want to die.

Something happened tonight that made me freeze over inside. I didn't know how to talk to you, for the first time since i've known you. And it hurts so bad, to be as dead inside as I am right now. Everything that you made me feel for you was a lie....A complete lie. I should have listened to myself before I let myself fall into you. I knew it was too good to be true. Why didn't I listen? I couldn't look at you tonight. It was way too hard. How many times does this have to happen before I learn? I'm such an idiot!

But why did you plant those ideas in my head? Don't ever talk to me again.... Please don't attempt to heal me. That would be a YOU thing to do. Don't feel bad for me. I know you really are a great guy. Fucking outstanding!! But what is so wrong with me??? Nevermind all I need to do is look in the fucking mirror to find out.

-brodyblue-

9:57 p.m. - 2004-09-07

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